I am sorry you are still dealing with yours (and his) trauma, I totally hear where you are coming from. I spent so long trying to figure if there was anything else I could have done, my midwife could have done, my partner could have done etc, and the tears rolled at the most unexpected times, catching me off guard often (and even now a year later I was suprised I welled up when someone mentioned the first text I sent about his birth). But overall, time has healed and I have accepted what happened, and accepted I couldnt change anything.

Sending you healing vibes too, and prayers that you will have the time and support to heal.

Nic (from hbuk yahoo) x