Holding On
After the previous post, several people left comments or sent emails asking how I was doing. I fully expected to fall into a messy heap right after I said goodbye to Barney and Henry, but that didn’t happen, and I surprised myself by being really very okay. I did have everything in Barney’s and Henry’s room moved, cleaned and replaced within four hours of leaving them at the bus though… and I have kept busy since then, doing errands, taking the others swimming, etc. And I’ve been fine - in fact, I’ve not even shed a tear. But I can feel that about to change.
Scratchy phoned last night; it was a short call, as I was trying to get Toby to sleep and George was just getting back from Cubs, but he did say Barney had been a bit up-and-down all day. To be expected, really. It turns out that I was coping because Barney was coping though, because as soon as I’d heard that, I could feel my insides starting to churn. It’s daft - I mean, he could easily be up and down all day here - and of course nobody thought he’d continue to be wonderfully chirpy and positive for the next six months. But I can feel all the emotion of the thing just sitting there behind me, waiting to grab me by the throat and shake me.
Later today, we’ll be heading off to stay with friends for the next couple of nights. I’ve a feeling I’m going to need them.
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(((Deb))) Glad you’ve got friends to give you hugs irl too.