NotSheep

Well it’s been interesting to hear other people’s views on this whole exchange thing - and in particular, thanks to Henry’s parents in France for their comments (there are two of them because they’d never commented before, so their first comment went into moderation and they thought it got lost). I don’t think I’m nearly as brave as many of the commenters seem to think I am though!

In the meantime, Barney has had a meltdown today - I mentioned in yesterday’s post that he’s been a bit emotional recently, and today when I asked him to help with something we had a whole “But I’m stressed!” thing, ending with him hanging on me and crying. He’s very nervous - of course. He also very much wants to go. I talked to him and told him that I expected it would be similar for him to how it’s been for Henry - some homesickness, some tears, but mostly far too busy learning and enjoying all the new experiences to be bothered with any of that. I reminded him that this whole exchange business is for him and Henry - not for the parents or the siblings or the organisation, but for the two of them - and thus we would always be doing what was in their best interests. So if he goes to France and he’s miserable and wants to come back here, I told him we’ll go and get him. “But what if I just feel sad and say it and don’t really mean it?” he said! I said we’d work something out, like if he says that we’ll phone again the next night to check if he’s changed his mind before we book flights

I told him I was impressed by how brave he was; he said he wasn’t brave, he was scared. I pointed out that courage isn’t needed to do something that doesn’t scare you - he had obviously never thought of it in that way. In his mind, courage = no fear. He’s now thinking about how it means fear-but-doing-it-anyway. I told him I expected that almost every child who’s ever done an exchange like this has been scared. At this point Henry appeared at the door of the room and I called him in. I told him how Barney was feeling and he said “Yeah, that’ s normal.” We talked about how he’d felt before he came, and I reminded them both that at the end of an exchange, most children say it wasn’t long enough. “And they want to do another exchange.” said Henry. I asked him if he would like to do another exchange and he said he would, then added “With this family if possible”. I guess we can’t be all that bad then

I asked Barney what he was most scared of, and he said “Coming back after six months to find you all dead.” Eh? I asked how that might happen, and he said, “Well there could be a fire in the house or something.” I pointed out that it hadn’t happened so far, and wasn’t any more likely because he was away… Isn’t it funny how your mind latches onto extremely unlikely things to worry about?

He seemed much calmer after our chat; I’m sure he’ll have more wobbles in the next few weeks but I think together we can handle them.

Later conversation with Henry disclosed that before he came here, he already thought he would stay, he just wanted to make sure. And that he likes having five brothers, even when some of them are pests And that he thinks he’d like to set up an aquarium in his home in France - Anita, you have been warned