NotSheep

We had an appointment with the local paediatrician today.

The good news: Toby has gained at least a pound, possibly closer to two. We’re not actually doing anything different to what we’d been doing before, so I can’t explain why he’s gained so much in just over a month when he’d gained so little until then, but there you go.

The bad news: I really, really dislike the paediatrician.

The first warning about his manners and attitude was when he came out into the waiting-area and, without introducing himself, gestured at Toby and said, “Who’s this?” When I told him, he gestured down the hall, said, “Room 3″, and walked off in that direction.

Now I think about it, he never did actually introduce himself; I’m assuming he was the paed…

Things didn’t improve when his next question was “Who’s your GP?” and his response to my reply (”We don’t have one.”) was to stare at me as if waiting for an explanation. If he’d said “Why not?” or even “Huh?”, I might have explained, but since he didn’t have the courtesy to actually say anything, but instead chose to look at me like I’d two heads, I wasn’t inclined to talk. Then he asked, “Who’s your health visitor?” and I again replied, “We don’t have one.” And once again, he simply stared. And I stared back. I’m funny like that: offer me no respect and you’re not likely to get much back.

Then he spent 15 or 20 minutes trying to make me feel stupid because we’ve chosen not to vaccinate. Now I appreciate that there are strong opinions on both sides of the vaccination issue, and I’m generally willing to discuss our reasons with anyone who is actually interested in hearing them. But when someone tells me that they’re the area expert on the subject and then can’t come up with any better pro-vaccination line than “You do know that fellow Wakefield’s about to be struck off, don’t you?” - even after I’d said that Wakefield’s research had nothing to do with our decision (it wasn’t even published until after we’d made our decision) - well, I could have been a lot less polite than I was. He also told me that a boy in England had died from measles, to which I responded that I was aware of the case and felt it was relevant to note that the boy was on immunosuppressant medication as a result of a serious medical condition. His next pro-vaccination argument was: “You know that in Africa mothers expect half their children to die?” I pointed out that in such situations there are many public health concerns (little things, like access to adequate nutrition and clean water). Funny how he thought Africa was relevant, because when I said it was a pity that the government didn’t appoint specialists to support breastfeeding, since lack of breastmilk actually kills far more children than lack of vaccination, his response was “but not in this country”! So what goes on in Somalia is relevant to first-world public health decisions when it comes to vaccination, but not breastfeeding. Huh.

After all of that, Dr B (for Bozo) finally deigned to go and find a set of scales on which to weigh Toby. A nurse came in to do that, and while the nurse was talking to me, and I was talking to Toby and keeping him settled during the weighing and measuring, the paed continued to talk behind us. Then he said (in an alarmist voice) that Toby was below the first percentile in height and weight and head circumference - I said I found that reassuring rather than worrying, because he was at least in proportion, but Dr B simply said “he’s scrawny”. Then he spent another 20 minutes or so dictating the letters about Toby he intended to send (without actually explaining to me what he was doing - he just started talking, looking at me, and had I not known what he was doing, I’d have been completely confused). He got several bits of information wrong during that, and I shook my head at each one, he stopped dictating, I corrected him, he re-dictated that bit… *sigh*

He then had another go about vaccination while I was trying to get out the door - again using the “Wakefield is evil” argument. During that conversation, I mentioned two recent pieces of related research, and Dr B hadn’t even heard of them.

At no point did he touch Toby, or interact with him in any way, or even do more than glance sideways at him. He didn’t ask what Toby ate, or how much, or how often he breastfed. He didn’t ask about his development or the family history. During his dictation he said that Toby was “exclusively breastfed” - when I shook my head and he stopped, I said he was on solids, and Dr B said “but is he exclusively breastfed on milk?” - apparently he thinks “exclusive breastfeeding” means “not receiving formula or cows’ milk”, rather than “receiving breastmilk and nothing else”. A consultant paed who doesn’t know the definition of exclusive breastfeeding - not encouraging.

He did, however, say that he would write to the GP practice where we wanted to register and see if he could convince them to negotiate with the bureaucrats to allow us to register there (in order to, and I quote, “get you back to civilisation”!!!!) The main benefit of that, as far as I’m concerned, is that we wouldn’t have to pay over-the-counter for stuff like emollient cream, because we could get it on prescription. Though I suppose not having to put up with the disbelief of people who find it incredible that someone can actually survive without a GP would be another positive.

We’re supposed to go back to see Dr B again in four weeks. We’ve the sweat test and the ECG on Friday, though Dr B agreed with me(!) that it was unlikely either would come up with anything. I asked what would normally happen in that case, and he said, “we’d just keep an eye on him”. If that’s so, I’m going to make sure it’s someone else’s eye, because I don’t think I can restrain myself from slapping Dr B for too much longer. And if he brings up vaccination again, I’ll remind him that it has absolutely nothing to do with our reason for consulting with him, and tell him that it is doctors exactly like him - arrogant, pontificating, condescending, harrassing, up-their-own-backsides twerps - that made us choose not to register with a GP in the first place.